Even I’m shocked by my newly discovered confidence. I no longer mope around; instead, I make myself useful by doing the laundry, getting groceries or washing dishes. The hotel room is eerily quiet. (Rachel went to run errands.) Bored, I plop down on the couch and close my eyes, hoping to have a vision. But the only thing I see is Chase’s face. Frustrated, I sit up. Every time I close my eyes, he’s there, and he’s distracting me. I now only have two days left and no time for being distracted. My confidence wavers a little.
I need to focus.
For ten minutes, I lay with my eyes closed, hands clasped, whispering, “You can do this, Jamie. Concentrate.” However, because I have never tried to have a vision before, my attempts yield only a headache. I sit up, head throbbing, wondering what I’m going to do. I only have two days left, and I have had no visions recently. I have no new clues for where I need to be. Just as I’m about to give up, my vision is blackened and I find myself in the most vivid vision I have ever had. I’m in the car. I see the billboard, the calendar, the hedge, and an oncoming truck, swerving as if he has lost control of the two-ton vehicle. The usual screams fill my ears, and my instinct is to panic.
Realizing I have only a few seconds to gather clues, I take a deep breath and scan my surroundings. After only a split second, I’ve spotted a building that I recognize. I saw it in a magazine Ms. Ashton had.
Just as I am pulled out of my vision, Rachel enters the room.
“Jorvik City!” I yell.
“What?” she looks startled.
I stare at her, wide-eyed. “I need to go to Jorvik City.”
The next morning, we’re in the car and on our way. My head is swimming with anxieties and the lurking knowledge that I am going to die sometime the next day. As I stare out the window, watching the scenery pass and knowing that this is only the beginning of our day-long drive, I can’t bring myself to think of my life outside of this. Miss Ashton, Rachel, Chase, Rose, the farm… For the first time I can remember, I don’t care if there’s a family and a life I’m missing out on. All I want is what I had. But I’ll never have it again.
A tear rolls down my cheeks. Tomorrow, I’ll cease to exist. I’ll still be living somewhere, but that’s not me. It may look like me, and she may have the same personality and lost memory as me, but she’s not me. What I have realized is that I stopped existing in two places as soon as I started making new memories. If that girl – the one who’s still alive – is me, then she’d have the same life and memories as me. She doesn’t. She has a family, a family that belongs to me but I will never know. She has dreams, dreams that may have once been mine but are now lost.
I no longer want my old life – her life… I just want this life.